*The balancing act: work and home*
In this day and age, we see more and more Muslim women entering the world of work. Sometimes this is out of necessity; sometimes it is due to the woman’s need to contribute to society in some way or to use the knowledge and skills that she has acquired.
In other instances, it is due to the wishes of a spouse, parent, or other family member. Whatever the situation, the fact is that a significant proportion of Muslim women are working. At the same time, many of these women are also shouldering the responsibilities of motherhood and management of the home. How do these women cope? How do they manage to balance work and home? What are the best options for a woman and her family?
*First, the trend*
Muslim women in many parts of the world are being indoctrinated to believe that in order to have value they must be “career women” who work outside the home. This is part of the “women’s liberation” movement that is being promoted by the U.N. and various international groups. And it is not occurring without serious side effects, most of which are only beginning to appear. Women are choosing to delay or forego marriage all together in order to pursue their education and careers. Many have also decided that if they do get married, they will only have a few children. They would not dream of having the 10 or 12 that their mothers had! Others are suffering emotional and physical problems as they attempt to compete in a male-dominated world.
What women need to understand is that while there is nothing wrong with becoming educated and developing a career, they should not neglect the most important career in life — motherhood. While it may be necessary for some women to work outside of the home, in a normal society, the majority of women with children (particularly young children) should be in the home. So rule number one related to the balancing act is that if it is possible to stay at home, this would be the best option for both the mother and the family. Children have many needs that a mother is best suited to meet. Motherhood is a career and it carries with it immense rewards!
*Practical tips*
For women who do not have the option, the following tips may be useful:
1. Try to focus on careers that match the qualities of a woman and that will be less competitive and less stressful. Attempting to compete in male-dominated careers can have serious effects upon women, such as encouraging aggressive, dominating, and controlling traits that are more characteristic of men. This, in turn, may impact the family. The stress of the job itself may be carried home as well. Women who work in predominately masculine jobs interact more with men, increasing the temptations that may arise between genders.
Teaching, social work, nursing, and child care are good examples of careers that fit more with the nurturing and caring nature of women. These types of careers enhance those natural traits and ease the transition between work and home. They also provide valuable contributions to society.
2. Find careers or jobs that offer more flexibility in terms of scheduling and hours. Teaching is a good example since the mother’s schedule is often the same as the children. Part-time work is also preferable to full-time work, if this is possible. Some companies have programs for employees with families, such as flex-time and time-sharing. Working from home or establishing a home business may be other suitable options for women.
3. Find someone that can be completely trusted to take care of the children, preferably a Muslim sister or a close family member. Children are able to bond with an unlimited number of people as long as they are cared for and loved. A Muslim sister or family member may become like a “second mother” for the children, which can alleviate separation anxiety and other negative effects caused by separation. Home-based childcare is the best option for young children. Older children may be fine in a daycare center or preschool.
4. Spend quality time with your children at home. Children need time and attention more than anything and the time of a working mother is limited. When a mother is with her children, she needs to focus on them and enjoy activities, games, and reading with them. Good quality time is more important than quantity.
5. Arrange for housecleaning and cooking, if possible. A major stressor for working mothers is going through a day of work and then coming home in the evening to find cooking and cleaning to be done. This problem itself leaves little time for family bonding and sharing. The best solution is to hire someone to assist with the household chores so time will be freed for care of the children. In fact, a working woman has a right to this assistance according to *Sharee‘ah *(Islamic law). If the family is not able to afford to hire someone, maybe extended family members could pitch in to help.
The most important issue for women to remember is that her family should be her first priority. If a woman is able to balance a family and a career, this is acceptable. If the family begins to suffer, she needs to reconsider her priorities and choose the option that would be most pleasing to Allaah. An insightful person once said, “After so much time and energy put into a career, I discovered that the most precious gift I have is my family.” Don’t let the time go by before you come to this realization.
WWW.ISLAMWEB.N
Ok here some comments received when I forwarded the article (with my views included)
From the singles or non-mothers:
Not being a mother does not equate to being a failure as a women.
If you can and you are blessed with children, that is great. But being a mom should not define you as a person.
This I agree with, how can someone think of us women of just being a mother? What if we are not blessed to be one i.e. don’t get married, it’s not like we choose not to get married, what if the case is that there isn’t anyone in the horizon, so can this be our fault?
They say that when women pursue higher education such as masters or phd, the chances of marriage is reduced drastically as MEN – being as they are – don’t want to marry the very intelligent & highly qualified women
Even when we younger the jodoh never came, are we suppose to sit still and wait for the jodoh and not pursue our education just to be a mother? Aren’t we also suppose to contribute to the society, the maslahah, the umat with the intelligence and brains given to us? Even if we choose to pursue higher education and the guys out there are intimidated and don’t wanna get married to someone highly educated, that’s really not the women’s fault, It shouldn’t be wrong if we choose to pursue our career, if we get married, the career drops to second place, it’s natural and that is the way for most ladies.
They also say that for highly qualified women with whatever titles that they hold, they should not forgo the role of motherhood, many working women try their best to do the balancing act, but it doesn’t help having a husband who doesn’t help around or just sit around and laze while the women takes care of everything, they too should help with the chores and have some empathy for the working wives and not just scold them or ridicule them when they come home late from office as these things can’t be controlled at times, women are the breadwinner too, and most of the time the Men have to agree so they should have some respect.
And back to forgoing the roles of motherhood, you only get to be a mother if the right person comes along, otherwise, are we just suppose to get married with just anyone to fulfill the role of motherhood? And then what happens to the marriage? Divorce? We always wish for a happy family and we to a certain extend ensure to the extent that we can that we get married to a person who loves us and vice versa, but if it’s just to fulfill the role of motherhood, it’s really a personal choice, not up to someone to dictate or tell us that we should or shouldn’t do it. If there’s no love, no future, why get married? (and they say just to have kids and bring them up as a single parent)
On another note, now that we are single, we think this way and hopefully still hold on to this, having kids and bringing them up right is important, but making them the center of your world is not healthy. We see these days that even when the children has grown the parents still try to run their lives for their kids instead of letting them make their own mistakes and learn to live. Parents won’t be around forever, this I have to tell myself too, I as a child can’t depend to much on them too, but this is the time, I won’t get this chance again, but I’m glad my parents don’t try to run my live for me, I am free to choose to further my education or get married if I met the right person, they don’t force either way.
But another thing that I have noticed, parents tend to neglect themselves and their needs and treat the kids like princess n prince and at the end to get what, when the child has grown, most of them don’t have any respect for the parents (my observation or those being pampered!), those stories in drama melayu, they can be real too…I pity those parents who has to go through this - the children that they nurtured and cared for with love and at the end treats them like a worthless piece of nothing! The children can grow up to be plain selfish and rude, they have no regards for their parents what so ever.
I know of some mothers in high level position handling their balancing act pretty well, so the stigma on the singles that pursue higher education shouldn’t be built in the first place and if we are intelligent enough, with Allah help to pursue our studies, we will be good too at managing home and motherhood when the time comes, at Allah’s will.
In this day and age, we see more and more Muslim women entering the world of work. Sometimes this is out of necessity; sometimes it is due to the woman’s need to contribute to society in some way or to use the knowledge and skills that she has acquired.
In other instances, it is due to the wishes of a spouse, parent, or other family member. Whatever the situation, the fact is that a significant proportion of Muslim women are working. At the same time, many of these women are also shouldering the responsibilities of motherhood and management of the home. How do these women cope? How do they manage to balance work and home? What are the best options for a woman and her family?
*First, the trend*
Muslim women in many parts of the world are being indoctrinated to believe that in order to have value they must be “career women” who work outside the home. This is part of the “women’s liberation” movement that is being promoted by the U.N. and various international groups. And it is not occurring without serious side effects, most of which are only beginning to appear. Women are choosing to delay or forego marriage all together in order to pursue their education and careers. Many have also decided that if they do get married, they will only have a few children. They would not dream of having the 10 or 12 that their mothers had! Others are suffering emotional and physical problems as they attempt to compete in a male-dominated world.
What women need to understand is that while there is nothing wrong with becoming educated and developing a career, they should not neglect the most important career in life — motherhood. While it may be necessary for some women to work outside of the home, in a normal society, the majority of women with children (particularly young children) should be in the home. So rule number one related to the balancing act is that if it is possible to stay at home, this would be the best option for both the mother and the family. Children have many needs that a mother is best suited to meet. Motherhood is a career and it carries with it immense rewards!
*Practical tips*
For women who do not have the option, the following tips may be useful:
1. Try to focus on careers that match the qualities of a woman and that will be less competitive and less stressful. Attempting to compete in male-dominated careers can have serious effects upon women, such as encouraging aggressive, dominating, and controlling traits that are more characteristic of men. This, in turn, may impact the family. The stress of the job itself may be carried home as well. Women who work in predominately masculine jobs interact more with men, increasing the temptations that may arise between genders.
Teaching, social work, nursing, and child care are good examples of careers that fit more with the nurturing and caring nature of women. These types of careers enhance those natural traits and ease the transition between work and home. They also provide valuable contributions to society.
2. Find careers or jobs that offer more flexibility in terms of scheduling and hours. Teaching is a good example since the mother’s schedule is often the same as the children. Part-time work is also preferable to full-time work, if this is possible. Some companies have programs for employees with families, such as flex-time and time-sharing. Working from home or establishing a home business may be other suitable options for women.
3. Find someone that can be completely trusted to take care of the children, preferably a Muslim sister or a close family member. Children are able to bond with an unlimited number of people as long as they are cared for and loved. A Muslim sister or family member may become like a “second mother” for the children, which can alleviate separation anxiety and other negative effects caused by separation. Home-based childcare is the best option for young children. Older children may be fine in a daycare center or preschool.
4. Spend quality time with your children at home. Children need time and attention more than anything and the time of a working mother is limited. When a mother is with her children, she needs to focus on them and enjoy activities, games, and reading with them. Good quality time is more important than quantity.
5. Arrange for housecleaning and cooking, if possible. A major stressor for working mothers is going through a day of work and then coming home in the evening to find cooking and cleaning to be done. This problem itself leaves little time for family bonding and sharing. The best solution is to hire someone to assist with the household chores so time will be freed for care of the children. In fact, a working woman has a right to this assistance according to *Sharee‘ah *(Islamic law). If the family is not able to afford to hire someone, maybe extended family members could pitch in to help.
The most important issue for women to remember is that her family should be her first priority. If a woman is able to balance a family and a career, this is acceptable. If the family begins to suffer, she needs to reconsider her priorities and choose the option that would be most pleasing to Allaah. An insightful person once said, “After so much time and energy put into a career, I discovered that the most precious gift I have is my family.” Don’t let the time go by before you come to this realization.
WWW.ISLAMWEB.N
Ok here some comments received when I forwarded the article (with my views included)
From the singles or non-mothers:
Not being a mother does not equate to being a failure as a women.
If you can and you are blessed with children, that is great. But being a mom should not define you as a person.
This I agree with, how can someone think of us women of just being a mother? What if we are not blessed to be one i.e. don’t get married, it’s not like we choose not to get married, what if the case is that there isn’t anyone in the horizon, so can this be our fault?
They say that when women pursue higher education such as masters or phd, the chances of marriage is reduced drastically as MEN – being as they are – don’t want to marry the very intelligent & highly qualified women
Even when we younger the jodoh never came, are we suppose to sit still and wait for the jodoh and not pursue our education just to be a mother? Aren’t we also suppose to contribute to the society, the maslahah, the umat with the intelligence and brains given to us? Even if we choose to pursue higher education and the guys out there are intimidated and don’t wanna get married to someone highly educated, that’s really not the women’s fault, It shouldn’t be wrong if we choose to pursue our career, if we get married, the career drops to second place, it’s natural and that is the way for most ladies.
They also say that for highly qualified women with whatever titles that they hold, they should not forgo the role of motherhood, many working women try their best to do the balancing act, but it doesn’t help having a husband who doesn’t help around or just sit around and laze while the women takes care of everything, they too should help with the chores and have some empathy for the working wives and not just scold them or ridicule them when they come home late from office as these things can’t be controlled at times, women are the breadwinner too, and most of the time the Men have to agree so they should have some respect.
And back to forgoing the roles of motherhood, you only get to be a mother if the right person comes along, otherwise, are we just suppose to get married with just anyone to fulfill the role of motherhood? And then what happens to the marriage? Divorce? We always wish for a happy family and we to a certain extend ensure to the extent that we can that we get married to a person who loves us and vice versa, but if it’s just to fulfill the role of motherhood, it’s really a personal choice, not up to someone to dictate or tell us that we should or shouldn’t do it. If there’s no love, no future, why get married? (and they say just to have kids and bring them up as a single parent)
On another note, now that we are single, we think this way and hopefully still hold on to this, having kids and bringing them up right is important, but making them the center of your world is not healthy. We see these days that even when the children has grown the parents still try to run their lives for their kids instead of letting them make their own mistakes and learn to live. Parents won’t be around forever, this I have to tell myself too, I as a child can’t depend to much on them too, but this is the time, I won’t get this chance again, but I’m glad my parents don’t try to run my live for me, I am free to choose to further my education or get married if I met the right person, they don’t force either way.
But another thing that I have noticed, parents tend to neglect themselves and their needs and treat the kids like princess n prince and at the end to get what, when the child has grown, most of them don’t have any respect for the parents (my observation or those being pampered!), those stories in drama melayu, they can be real too…I pity those parents who has to go through this - the children that they nurtured and cared for with love and at the end treats them like a worthless piece of nothing! The children can grow up to be plain selfish and rude, they have no regards for their parents what so ever.
I know of some mothers in high level position handling their balancing act pretty well, so the stigma on the singles that pursue higher education shouldn’t be built in the first place and if we are intelligent enough, with Allah help to pursue our studies, we will be good too at managing home and motherhood when the time comes, at Allah’s will.
2 comments:
spot on!! betul betul betul (tone from famous cartoon upin&ipin) ;)
:) thanks Azita, I'm juz pissed off with some ppl who thinks that I'm pursuing higher education & purposely pushing away marriage..
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