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Showing posts with label Luahan Hati. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Luahan Hati. Show all posts

After almost a year...

...by shazzain | Labels: ,

It’s almost a year and I find out what was the problem from the very beginning.

When I posted that blog on how I got upset over something that was said to me, at least you knew that I was upset and came to explain that those words were not meant for me. But when you cried that Tuesday after that conversation with me which I didn’t know about just until today, you never did tell me anything about did. You spoke to the "whole world" except me and left me alone to rot when you knew I was upset over the other bigger issue. First rule - when some is upset, don’t come and discuss matters especially sensitive ones like what I should and shouldn’t do and who I can or can’t talk to, big mistake, if I reacted in any way that made you upset, you should realize that I obviously needed time to cool off, and that time was never given to me from Sunday, why is it when you need time to cool off, you can take more than 3 months? And yet still treating me or made me feel like I was some kind of disease that you needed to get away from at the recent wedding?

I'm sorry I made you cry but it wasn’t my intention and I didn’t even know that it upset you that much, for me it was being abandon for 1+ months. The point is at least you knew when I was upset but I was never made aware of it. Lies Lies & Lies from the beginning, picking on petty issues was all you have been doing up until 2nd Jan 2011 while the other person denies everything, no issues with me...yeah right!!

Maybe I can’t blame you all, you like to talk behind my back so much to the point that you think you actually made an effort to patch things up with me, when really you did nothing except for that one phone call saying you missed me and asked me if I’m free to meet up, and when I was and I knew you were, all the sudden the third person couldn’t make it and it was cancelled? Why I wonder, I am that bad that you just couldn’t talk to me without the presence of another, you needed to be babysitted and you still do, or else you wouldn’t keep decline my invite for a heart to heart talk...some friend you are. I dreamt of you, I dreamt that we actually spoke like we used to, I was happy for a moment in that dream, but when I woke up, I knew that was impossible, not with an egoistic liar like you. You can blow up such a tiny issue, who thought you were like that, you instill hate in people and when one notices it, you try harder to make me look bad. And worse still all the assumptions that were made about me...I can’t believe the picture painted by you, it’s as if I’m a villain ever so happy to welcome your entourage to the other side! OMG, for heaven’s sake...Grow up! There’s no side’s from the beginning, you managed to create that all by yourself, congratulations! I’m sure your happy with your creations now.

Now that it’s been a year and I’m tired of hiding things from people, especially when they invite me out and expect you to be there and I have to keep coming up with excuses, it’s time to blow it all off. Why I say this is because when a warning is given to another with harsh words it just shows how unforgiving all of you are, when the actual problem was actually with one person at the table, the rest was not involved but volunteered to be in a drama which was never ending. And funny thing is, that person and the other that was affected by my actions have forgiven me while the rest still holds on to anger and hate towards me and another person for no apparent reason, or is there an unspoken reason behind all this...I know there is, but yeah all is well in that world and keep on refusing to talk about it.

Question is, how can friend make a friend choose between two close friends is something I can’t understand. I never did choose, who was there for me stayed as my friend and this individual dared asked me “Why you choose her over Us?”. And being proud as they have always been, they will never ever admit to what they said or did behind my back. All the lies that were told, all the denials of the truth...and yet I still wish we were able to be as we were. I’m stupid for wanting such things, I don’t use friends, I don’t abandon them in their time of need, I don’t do things to intentionally hurt people, what I did was with reason and when a negative thought appears I shoot a stupid sms, but isn’t that better than keeping in boiled within the group and slander me every time you meet?

I was a free agent right from the start, you have no business controlling who I can talk to or not, I talk or share things with people who are close to me and this was my problem that you were both aware of, but when I made a wrong move to this person who has forgiven me, you were the first one to judge.

This is me letting go of all the hate & love I have towards them, I was never really given a chance to express this to them directly because when asked each time, they say they have no issues with me and we all know that's a lie or else they won't be on-going discussions about me, and as time goes by, those discussion that was started with good intentions (I believe it was) turns to hate when no action was taken to address them. I know now that they don’t deserve my friendship as much as I don’t deserve to be their friend. I wish them well, I don’t hope for bad things to happen to them as they did to me, I hope they find happiness and for the love of Allah, please stop hating people.

Last but not least, the never ending quotes I follow on twitter to self-soothe

"The Truth hurts but it doesn't kill. The Lie pleases but it doesn't heal." - AmandaAdriani

"3 signs of a hypocrite when he speaks he speaks lies when he makes a promise he breaks it and when he is trusted he betrays his trust" - Flashy

"Don't count your friends, See who you can count on!" – Flashy

"When you make a mistake, admit it. If you don’t, you only make matters worse" - Flashy

"People keep adoring friendship between Woody and Andy. The song keeps saying "Friendship will never die". The truth is, they're done now." – wilzkanadi

p/s some may ask why I finally choose to put it on the blog instead of just emailing them directly, my answer would be I'm tired of trying and expected happy ending results. And if I were to email them and get the kind of response I have been getting with all the efforts I have put in, I will be devastated. This way, if they read it or not, or read it and choose to ignore or say they didn't read it, it wouldn't affect me anymore. In other words I don't care of the impact of this actions and it's my way of letting go of any hope that's left of this friendship.

Thank you for being my friend while it lasted. Like a friend said, I can't afford to be sad all the time and think of what could have been anymore, we live life once and I have got to move on.

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...by shazzain

Girls and stupidity

...by shazzain | Labels: , ,

I juz don't get these girls...why go after a guy who is not interested to marry you? If they already expressed it (not interested in marriage with you) or behave in that manner why chase them..? Don't you want someone who wants to marry you instead of someone only YOU want to marry? Have some pride for God's sake! What kinda of life would that be for you if you end up getting married? You think you could be happy forcing, guilting or tricking someone into marrying you? Regardless if the guy is single or married (worse still going after a married men who doesn't even want you)..but can you girls think of your future? If they don't want you now, what's gonna make them stay after marriage? It's headed for you know what lah!

Even if they layan you now, doesn't mean they are gonna marry you, wake up! If they are not interested..that's it! The end..if eventually they come back saying they want a marriage look at the situation most of the time it's because they don't know or dont have any direction (so they juz stick with the easiest option) or their life as they know it vanished and he is juz back to using you like before ... juz having fun and filling in his spare time..until he feels like leaving!

I know..I'm not in love..it's easy for me to say it..but when people around you keep telling you to open your eyes...for God's sake listen to them! Especially when those telling you are genuine trusted friends or family members.

That's it..letting off some steam..

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...by shazzain

Personal credit risks...

...by shazzain | Labels: , ,

What is credit risk…
The risk of loss of principal or loss of a financial reward stemming from a borrower's failure to repay a loan or otherwise meet a contractual obligation. Credit risk arises whenever a borrower is expecting to use future cash flows to pay a current debt. Investors are compensated for assuming credit risk by way of interest payments from the borrower or issuer of a debt obligation.

What is pre-settlement risk
The risk that one party of a contract will fail to meet the terms of the contract and default before the contract's settlement date, prematurely ending the contract.

What is settlement risk
The risk that one party will fail to deliver the terms of a contract with another party at the time of settlement. Settlement risk can be the risk associated with default at settlement and any timing differences in settlement between the two parties. This type of risk can lead to principal risk.

-source investopedia.com

This is not only peculiar to big corporate, businesses & banks but also to our daily lives...Say you give out a lending to someone coz that person is in need of money, but how sure are you that that person will pay you back? If you had an experience dealing with this person and not receiving your money back on time or never getting it back, most of the time we won’t lend out…they can be family ,friends, acquaintances…it all applies…

For me, whenever there is a celebration like a new born, birthdays or a wedding, I normally get the present on shared basis…so that we could buy something big and useful…but there’s a problem when sharing comes into the picture, the collection of $$... some people, even after going after them for payment...ala2 mild version of style ahlong or bank collector, they still don’t pay…! to me…I don’t mind if you tell me when you are able to pay, give me a date so that I can close my books, I am too tired of chasing for money from people (yeah my money!). Sometimes I forget, and that person forgets, and then who is at the lost? Also something I have written off many times & I am sure some of you too..sebab tak reti ask for your own money back…somehow rasa bersalah to ask for money from friends or family…That is why I always emphasize on receiving payment asap or on agreed date…not because I need it or what (well sometimes I do)..but I juz wanna close my books…no confusions later (as I am human and could forget who has paid & who hasn’t..closing the book makes it easier!)…really I’m getting tired of some people’s behavior when it comes to clearing debt…there’s so much easy methods to do it, issue of not meeting up is not a problem as there always online methods like maybank2u, cimbclicks, amonline etc…what’s the problem then? No money..get a credit extension from the borrower…at least that person knows he/she will not be receiving it and make necessary follow-ups later…and what’s with the lender having to follow up, if you owe someone, have the responsibility to pay up before being asked for it lar…

I’m not talking about recent experiences only but all my experiences in this field…I find it annoying that people can behave in this manner. Sometimes I admit I do forget, but I try to minimize it by paying immediately either cash or online transactions…but when someone reminds me…I do it immediately…unlike some people who claim that they are too busy or don’t have the means to do it…if you keep a debt too long is that good? You know that money generates money…it’s not fair to take advantage of a qardhassan. At times I do have to ask people if they have paid or not, coz I lose the follow-up process and end up at and awkward situation, especially when the person has paid…well sorry peeps sometimes that happens…also when those people that have banked in did not inform…you have to tell and let us confirm payment, else again..confusion!!…sometimes money comes into the account but we don’t know from who…pls tell me so that I can strike off your name from the list (yeah there’s a list now!) huhu

It’s hard enough organizing a gift and finding people to share, the least you could do is respect the organizer and pay up on time or soon…no biggie here…and mind you sometimes the organizer too can be having cash flow problems therefore pay up asap…! Do I need to make myself any clearer? This is not me being petty…it’s taking back what rightfully mine…(some ppl must be saying berkire sungguh shaz nie!) well too bad…I don’t like people taking advantage of me or other lenders…haha!

Another thing about those ppl receiving this shared presents…most of them are costly items, and since its shared, please do not only convey the ‘thank you’ to the organizer alone or the person delivering it...but have the courtesy to send a “thank you” sms/ email or whatever to all those that shared…like that’s simple manners & courtesy…don’t take for granted that people know that your thankful or what…even if you don’t like the gift, what’s wrong with some appreciation huh? People did take the trouble to go get it & organize a sharing scheme…
Bukan tak ikhlas…jangan salah sangka…but it annoys me how some people behaves…

Sorry pada yang terasa….Peace 2010! Sekadar mengingatkan…

I think I’m gonna stop organizing gifts…it’s too much of a hassle & credit risk…lepas nie hadiah kecik2 jer laa from me…or I’ll juz join when someone else initiates & organize… =)

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...by shazzain
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